you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It was confusing and full of hummus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
