I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
