I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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