We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize