so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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