FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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