I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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