We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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