If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize