based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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