you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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