I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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