Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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