JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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