Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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