I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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