Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
