Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
