Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
