I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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