Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
