just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
