weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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