I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
