i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
