Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What a dumb baby whore.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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