Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
FUCK WHALES
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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