I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
