you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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