Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm passing your future prison.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
