i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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