I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
