Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
