She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
