so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
