i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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