i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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