You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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