Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize