I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is wine microwaveable?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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