Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
