i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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