Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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