Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
