I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
