So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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