I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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