Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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