oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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