So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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