after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So squirting runs in the family.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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