Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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