if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
