i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
