I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
