My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
