Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize