No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
