um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
