im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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