were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
