When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
