The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
